horse-chestnut horse … #chestnut #autumn #horse #fun (Taken with instagram)
I’m the only iranian comedian in the world … and that’s three more than germany.
— Omid Djalili
And now … please put your hands together for a man who is a colossal hit in germany … a country known for making rational decisions … Ladies and Gentlemen … my good friend, David Hasselhoff!
— Seth MacFarlane — “The Comedy Central Roast of David Hasselhoff”
I got in trouble in the public library.
They had the yellow sings up at the men’s room … don’t enter - slippery, or whatever … so I went in to the women’s room.
And I went as quietly as I possibly could.”
“Ones or Twos?”
“When you’re 66, it doesn’t matter […] when you’re 66, it’s Three. — Jeffrey Tambor on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
“Ones or Twos?”
“When you’re 66, it doesn’t matter […] when you’re 66, it’s Three. — Jeffrey Tambor on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
The (main character) part in “Salt” was originally written for Tom Cruise. It really was.
But the producers picked Angelina Jolie, because they wanted someone who didn’t run like a girl. — Craig Ferguson — The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
But the producers picked Angelina Jolie, because they wanted someone who didn’t run like a girl. — Craig Ferguson — The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Late Night with David Letterman | Top 10 List | Signs You’re Obsessed With Facebook
- You spent last saturday night “poking” yourself.
- If computer freezes, you start swearing like Mel Gibson.
- When wife sneezes, you change your status update to “Gesundheit”.
- No number 4 … writer on facebook … do you see the irony?
- Only photos on your facebook page are of you uploading photos to your facebook page.
- Named your daughter Gracebook.
- If you don’t update your page for 10 minutes, friends assume you died.
- You have been diagnosed with something called “Facebook Ass”.
- If someone rejects your friend request, you show up at his house and tearfully demand to know why.
- You created a profile for your kitty.
Christopher Walken reads Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface”
Boot?
“Mario? Kannst du mir schnell mal die Schachtel da geben? Und die andere da auch.”
“Ja, gleich … ich muss vorher noch …”
“Gib!”
“Nur langsam! Ich bin kein Ruderboot!”
“Was? Boot?”
“Ruderboot.”
“Hä?”
“Ich bin kein Ruderboot … sag’s auf Englisch.”
“Depp.”
Gandalf Goes To The World Cup
