You know what we should do? Walk around town to start fights.
— Michael Clarke Duncan
I’d kill for nipples and a testicle.
— Geoffrey Peterson
One in three americans weighs as much as the other two.
— David Sedaris
Justin Bieber is canadian. And so is Celine Dion. And William Shatner.
Which makes me wonder … are we guarding the wrong border?
I’m just saying … maybe we need two fences. — Craig Ferguson
Which makes me wonder … are we guarding the wrong border?
I’m just saying … maybe we need two fences. — Craig Ferguson
Egypt is a very important country. It’s played a huge role in world-history.
It is not one of them “pretend” little countries … like belgium, or somethin’! — Craig Ferguson on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
It is not one of them “pretend” little countries … like belgium, or somethin’! — Craig Ferguson on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
So, I know this guy … and he swears this is true!
When he was a teenager, he would go home and listen to his records … with this giant headphones on.
So, one day he is at home, at his parents house, and he has got these giant headphones on, he is a teenage kid, closes his eyes and he starts, you know … performing an act of self-massage. And then, you know … when he is finished he opens his eyes … he’s got the headphones on all the time … there is a sandwich and glass of milk next to his bed. — Craig Ferguson on the “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
When he was a teenager, he would go home and listen to his records … with this giant headphones on.
So, one day he is at home, at his parents house, and he has got these giant headphones on, he is a teenage kid, closes his eyes and he starts, you know … performing an act of self-massage. And then, you know … when he is finished he opens his eyes … he’s got the headphones on all the time … there is a sandwich and glass of milk next to his bed. — Craig Ferguson on the “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
A woman in Wales … she is 104 years old and she became the worlds oldest facebook-user … which is just supposed to show you: You’re never too old to learn how to waste your precious time!
— Craig Ferguson — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
President Barack Obama was on my favourite show. On Mythbusters.
It was great. They tried to bust that myth that the republicans are making Obama their bitch.
…
Plausible. — Craig Ferguson — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
It was great. They tried to bust that myth that the republicans are making Obama their bitch.
…
Plausible. — Craig Ferguson — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
Today is the first night of Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah to our jewish friends! It is the festival of lights … or as Mel Gibson calls it: Wednesday.
— Craig Ferguson — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
The … what’s his name … the wizard boy with the thing. He looks like a cell-phone that’s charging up … Harry Potter.
There is a vacancy there because he isn’t doing a lot at this moment. He is retired. She isn’t writing anymore.
So all those people, all those twenty-zillion people … should come and read my book.
It will fill their wizard-gap. — Salman Rushdie on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
There is a vacancy there because he isn’t doing a lot at this moment. He is retired. She isn’t writing anymore.
So all those people, all those twenty-zillion people … should come and read my book.
It will fill their wizard-gap. — Salman Rushdie on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
I play “Angry Birds” all the time. The books are getting very short and the “Angry Birds”-sessions are getting very long.
I have three stars on every level! — Salman Rushdie on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
I have three stars on every level! — Salman Rushdie on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
My first guest tonight is an author … an author is like a blogger, but went to college.
— Craig Ferguson — “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
Have you seen the trailer for the Justin Bieber movie? “They said he would never make it!” … he is 17!! How long were they saying it?!? 6 weeks??
— Craig Ferguson on “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
“Do you have your own fragrance?”
“No, I don’t.”
“You have to! People wanna smell like John Malkovich!”
“Well …”
“They do! If they wanna smell like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, they wanna smell like you!”
“Well. There are a lot of things people want, that they probably shouldn’t have.”
“Hm … yea, you’re right.”
“And you just named at least two of them.”
— Craig Ferguson and John Malkovich at “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
“Do you speak austrian?”
“No.”
“Ah, okay.”
“They don’t either, because they speak german.”
— Craig Ferguson and John Malkovich at “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson”
