A Medical Marihuana Delivery driver told the police, his pot was stolen by two ninjas. I don’t have a joke for that story … I just love California!
— Conan O’Brien
The difference between austrians and germans is like the difference between a battleship and a waltz.
— Christoph Waltz, on “Conan”
On yesterdays episode of “The View” Whoopie Goldberg told the audience, that she travels with her vibrator.
This was in response to Barbara Walters asking her “What’s in the cello case?”. — Conan O’Brien
This was in response to Barbara Walters asking her “What’s in the cello case?”. — Conan O’Brien
Big news from Austria!
In Austria a new Arnold-Schwarzenegger-Museum has opened up.
Actually two opened up … but no one knows about the second one. — Conan O’Brien
In Austria a new Arnold-Schwarzenegger-Museum has opened up.
Actually two opened up … but no one knows about the second one. — Conan O’Brien
If you get grey hair and you talk to young women … it sounds creepy. It just does!
It doesn’t even matter what the words are … they could be innocent … I could say “Can I buy you a drink?” … you know what I hear? … “Want some candy? … Get in the van. — Nick Griffin on “Conan”
It doesn’t even matter what the words are … they could be innocent … I could say “Can I buy you a drink?” … you know what I hear? … “Want some candy? … Get in the van. — Nick Griffin on “Conan”
The difference between a break-up and a divorce is like the difference between being scratched by a cat and raped by a bear.
— Nick Griffin on “Conan”
Madonna is banned from my show. A life-time ban. She is bloody annoying. She is banned because of […] crimes against the british accent.
— Piers Morgan on “Conan”
James Franco is teaching a film class, where students will study characters, played by James Franco, in movies starring James Franco.
The class meets on tuesdays and thursdays … halfway up James Francos ass. — Conan O’Brien
The class meets on tuesdays and thursdays … halfway up James Francos ass. — Conan O’Brien
Christina Aguilera … she sang the wrong words during the “Star-Spangled Banner”.
And even worse … the Black Eyed Peas sang their songs exactly right! — Conan O’Brien
And even worse … the Black Eyed Peas sang their songs exactly right! — Conan O’Brien
A hotel in the United Arab Emirates has unveiled the most expensive christmas-tree ever, valued at a 11 million dollars.
I never thought I’d say this … but folks, I believe the United Arab Emirates has lost sight of the true meaning of christmas. — Conan O’Brien — “Conan”
I never thought I’d say this … but folks, I believe the United Arab Emirates has lost sight of the true meaning of christmas. — Conan O’Brien — “Conan”
Yesterday a snowball-fight turned into a 500-person brawl, in Germany.
Out of habit France immediately surrendered. — Conan O’Brien — “Conan”
Out of habit France immediately surrendered. — Conan O’Brien — “Conan”
“I wanna first ask you about this royal wedding. In this country, people were discussing it … but we really don’t know what’s going on. Prince William … Kate Middleton … I guess they are engaged now … what are your thoughts on this, as a subject of the british crown?”
“Yes, you are correct. I am a subject of the british crown, so I am an expert on this topic. Thank god, you came to me! Let’s clear up this hullabaloo … this rumor mongering … these scare tactics … and say what this is: The aristocracy are planning to clutter their genitals at each other … but first they swap expensive jewels. It is a custom.”
“Ah. This is how you do it, in your country?”
“That’s right. Then there will be a new king.”
— Conan O’Brien and Russell Brand on “Conan”
